We can’t go back in time to change important events or experiences. What we can do is review our past events and experiences and mine them for insight, meaning and possibility.
If we continue to have negative feelings about something that “happened” to us, it means our development has stalled. We are holding onto and attaching ourselves to event from the past rather than moving forward, learning and growing from those events.
Take time to find the benefits and drawbacks of situations. By doing so you will become aware of you perceive things, allowing you can find a level of neutrality. Anything short of neutrality will cause us to be depressed or over-elated; neither of which extremes are true. Depression (and over-elation) are just one-sided perceptions –based on how we feel about something–that impacts our decision making here and now.
Creating a better future isn’t just possible, it’s the most logical option. Why punish yourself for the rest of your life by holding on to your past? No matter what happened to you, holding onto those feelings is like dragging an anchor behind you every day.
The pain from our past can hurt such that it changes how we see things. And the longer we carry the pain, the harder it is to separate ourselves from that pain which then begins to become part of our identity. What would happen if you decided to face those emotions so you can let them go? What would happen if you opened yourself to feeling different?
The major or tiny traumas from your past prevent you from living a better life. As you hold onto these traumas, so your life adapts. You attract people who also feel that way and you see the world through a limited lens. Think about it: if you’re carrying unresolved pain from the past, you are closing off yourself to growth and will see the world as limited and fixed.
Everything about you
- how you dress, talk and think
- the people you choose to spend your time with
- what you choose to spend your time watching and reading
all these things happen according to your identity, which is tied to the trauma of your past.
The mind is brilliant at making more of whatever we focus on. But that means that on a subconscious level, our pain from repressed emotions becomes our highest value–even above our health and family.
As you’re reading this, if you’re feeling resistant to these ideas, take notes. Later, take time to lean into those feelings and examine them. Emotions are the path towards change and growth. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s not going to change until YOU change.
It’s extra difficult when you’ve lost a loved one because you must accept life without that person. In a way, you experience guilt when you even think about moving forward in our life without that person, as if it minimizes that person’s meaning in your life. Just remember nothing can take away the moments you shared; those memories will always be there for you. And refusing to move forward (whether consciously or subconsciously) without that person will only make you to see pain in your world.
How we talk about our past has more to do with where we are at now than it does our actual past.
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Joe Carabase is a fitness expert, lecturer, entrepreneur, and the author of
Get UnStuck Today: The 90 Day Journal To Get Out Of Your Head & Into A Better Body